


Hurts Like Hell

by dieFabuliererin



Series: girls and boys [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Arguments, F/M, No use of y/n, Senate Ball, Sexual Referances, Swearing, Yelling, aftermath of cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:08:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28270659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dieFabuliererin/pseuds/dieFabuliererin
Summary: You, a journalist for HoloNet News Central, go to a Senate Ball, knowing Neyo will be there.
Relationships: CC-8826 | Neyo/Reader
Series: girls and boys [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940242
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a clone/reader piece- I hope you like it!!

“How’s the head?”

You look up at Commander Fox as he scours through your purse- a standard procedure for these types of events. TJ-X3 is on your right, having his circuits scanned by one of Fox’s slicers. Even as a regular journalist on Coruscant, the Guard are always careful.

“Cleared for a concussion,” you reply, feeling the Commander’s visor focus on the thin cut down your temple, neatly stitched. He was the one to arrest you for drink driving three days ago.

He hums, and his head turns. You follow his gaze, your eyes landing on Neyo who is against the back wall with his squadron. You knew he was going to be here tonight, but that didn’t stop you from volunteering to do the _HNC’s_ coverage for the Senate Ball.

He’s in a black tuxedo, like the other clone escorts- except for Fox, of course. This is one of the few events where they can work out of armour, and now you wish they were in plastoid, so you didn’t have to see how _damn_ good he looked.

“Are you done, Commander?” You ask, removing your gaze from Neyo before he can catch your eyes.

“You’re clear, ma’am.” Fox steps back, granting you access to the hall which is extravagantly decorated in gold and red. X3 joins your side, casting his own cybernetic glance towards Neyo before you both walk inside.

“What is the plan?” Your droid asks in his monotone voice.

“The usual.” You say, even though it’s been over a month since you attended one of these events.

Your boss subbed you out to begin with, claiming you were too depressed to be on camera for billions of people, but once you showed him the eviction papers for your apartment, he put you back on the rooster. It’s easy enough to fake a smile as long as you can pay your rent.

“I need a drink.” You announce, turning towards the bar.

When you used to work at Senate Balls, you avoided all types of alcohol, not wanting to damage your reputation by being tipsy on camera. Now, you don’t care. You need something to numb the uneasiness of standing in the same room as Neyo.

“Shouldn’t we find a good spot?” X3 asks.

“Go ahead.” You tell him absentmindedly, “I’ll find you in a bit.”

The droid walks away, soon disappearing into the crowd. Huffing, you straighten out your dress, keeping your head down as you walk towards the bar. _It’s a standard job_ , you tell yourself, _just talk in front of the camera and then leave._

“Corellian on the rocks.” You tell the bartender, tossing him a few credits. You’d rather have the burn down your throat than heat in your apartment anyways.

You take your drink, gulping it down in seconds. The sting is never hard enough anymore. It’ll take another few drinks before you start to feel it. You nearly laugh, remembering how half a glass of wine usually made you feel dizzy, and now that’s your mid-morning drink.

“Another.” You pass more credits over the bar.

They’re pushed back to you, “Only one liquor per customer.”

“Then I’ll have wine.” You snap, glaring at the bartender. If he refuses, you’ll walk out of this place- screw the _HNC_.

“Red or white?”

“Red.” You say, fists clenching as you wait. You’ll have to excuse yourself for a cigarette later.

“Thought you didn’t drink.”

You freeze at the low voice behind you, so familiar yet so foreign. He’s addressing you. His presence behind you makes your chest tighten.

Taking your glass from the bartender, you turn, meeting his eyes. They’re dark, sporting bags underneath. The last month hasn’t been kind to him either, but that’s his own fault. You know his last few missions have been rough, but maybe if he hadn’t toyed with your heart, he could’ve spent his leave out of the barracks.

A thought crosses your mind; _he could just be sleeping with other women_.

“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you thought you did.” You say, then go to move past him.

A warm hand wraps around your bicep, making your breath hitch in your throat. “What happened to your head?”

You exhale shakily, “None of your business, Commander.”

Then, you pull your arm out of his grip. He would be strong enough to keep you in his hold, but he lets you go. You don’t look back.

* * *

Neyo watches you from across the room, the collar of his pristine white shirt uncomfortably tight around his neck.

He tries to keep his hands by his sides as you stumble into another patron, your drink spilling onto their clothes. The male laughs off your drunkenness, instead inviting you for a dance. With a quick glance in Neyo’s direction, you accept.

“Neyo.” He turns to Fox, “If you don’t stop her, I will.”

The 91st Commander understands the threat clearly. He may have broken your heart, shattered your trust and fractured your confidence, but he still cares- more than you could ever realise.

Every day, he wakes up, regretting his actions- the way he hurt you. His actions are irreversible. He will never be able to apologise enough- and you won’t let him speak to you as it is.

It’s clear you’re hurting. Being cheated on isn’t pleasant, and only now can Neyo see the true damage of his betrayal. He’s broken you.

“Tell me one thing before I do, Fox.” Neyo growls. “What happened to her?”

“What do you-”

“You arrested her three nights ago.” He’s seen the report. He saw the line down your temple- a wound that shouldn’t be there. “There’s a cut on her head.”

“I can’t go into the details of the arrest.” Fox warns, lowering his voice. “She was drink driving downtown and crashed into a vendor. She was the only one who got hurt.”

Neyo feels his eyes widen, and fear usually reserved for the bleakest of battles wraps around his heart. What if you had got someone killed? Or worse, what if you managed to kill yourself?

He won’t sleep easy tonight.

* * *

The room’s spinning, or maybe it’s _you_ getting spun around by the man who’s twice your age. He’s a politician of some degree, or someone else of equally high importance. It doesn’t matter. As long as it’s another man touching you in front of Neyo, you don’t care.

You wish you could get over him. He didn’t want you- he made that clear when he slept with some dancer on an Outer Rim planet. You remember his face when you shut your apartment door on his face- the remorse in his expression.

If he regrets what he did, then why did he do it?

“You’re a good dancer, sweet,” the man praises you, one hand groping your ass, “I have a hotel room uptown.”

You laugh, tossing your head back. “I would, but I have to work.” Your words are slurred as you stumble out of his grip, suddenly remembering that X3 is waiting for you to start your opening segment of the show.

You collide with someone’s chest as you turn, someone muscular.

“Hey, stranger,” you slur, double seeing the Commander.

“You know the rules.” Neyo growls, his hand grabbing your shoulder tightly, “I’m escorting you off the premises for overindulging in alcohol and inappropriate behaviour.”

His voice is deadly serious, but you laugh, “Tell that the guy groping my ass.”

Even with blurry vision, you see Neyo’s eyebrows flatten in distaste. There isn’t anything he can do about it. You’re not _his_ anymore.

“Come with me.” He instructs, pulling you along.

“Hey!” You dig your heels in, but it does little to help, “Aren’t I allowed to have some fun?”

His eyes narrow on your forehead, “I think you’ve had enough _fun_ , Alex.”

“Don’t call me that!” You snap, your name coming from his lips sets off all sorts of emotions through you. There are memories of waiting for him at home, kisses down your neck, fingers intertwined with yours as he would pound you into the-

“Would you rather Alexandra?” He asks, teasing. His grip tightens on your shoulder, “If you don’t come quietly, Fox will arrest you- _again_.”

You manage to jerk out of his hold, “I have _work_ , Neyo. I can’t come back to your quarters and let you fuck me into the bed like you do with the dancers!”

The people around you hear your raised tone and start watching. The attention doesn’t embarrass you- you’re used to it- but Neyo’s eyes go wide.

“Alex.” He growls out your name, both hands clasping around your waist, “Come with me, _now_.”

“No!”

“Kriffing stubborn,” he mutters, somehow managing to lift you off the ground in an attempt to throw you over his shoulder.

You squeal, kicking out as your stomach threatens to empty its contents. The heel of your shoe collides with Neyo’s groin on accident, and it becomes obvious that he’s not in armour as he lets out a low grunt.

“Abduction! I’m being abducted!” You scream, too drunk and emotional to think rationally. Neyo wrestles your squirming body to the ground, trying to avoid getting kicked and punched as you desperately try to break free.

“Fox!” Neyo shouts, and you pull back, managing to punch his face with a clenched fist. This time, Neyo lets out a yelp, and when you catch a glimpse of his face, you see a trickle of blood falling over his lips.

“Got her?” The other Commander asks.

“Could use a hand!” Neyo growls, and then you feel a firm, plastoid covered knee against your back. The pressure makes you whimper, and Neyo’s voice is deadly low, “Don’t hurt her.”

Even with two clones pinning you down, you don’t stop struggling. Neyo’s got a hand against your neck and head, effectively pushing your cheek onto the floor. Fox is on your back, keeping your hips down whilst you try to buck him off. You hear the Coruscant Guard Commander address the other clones who are there, telling them to keep the other patrons back whilst they try to subdue you.

“Alex,” Neyo leans low to your face, “Stop struggling, please. You’re making a scene.”

“I kriffing hate you, Neyo!” You shout, so angry that you don’t care if this results in a real arrest. “I hate you more than I hate anybody! You clones go _on_ and _on_ about how loyal you are, and you couldn’t even keep your dick in your pants for _two_ weeks! You jumped at the first woman you saw when you finished that campaign! _I_ waited for you, and you didn’t wait for me!”

“Cuff her.” You hear Neyo mutter, and then you feel his hot breath against your neck, “Alex, I know you’re angry, and I know I’ve hurt you-”

“You don’t!” You shout as your arms are pulled behind your back.

“Shhh,” the hand on the back of your head strokes your hair, and it makes your toes curl, “I know I’ve hurt you, Alex, but _here_ is not the place to talk.”

There’s a click of cuffs around your wrists, and then you hear X3’s panicked tone, “What are you doing to Alex? She has a permit to be here. We are with the _HoloNet News Central_.”

“Start filming, X3!” You shout, “They’re unlawfully arresting me! CC-1010 is pressing his full body weight through my back which is an illegal restraint from someone under ninety pounds!”

“X3.” Neyo’s tone is calm, collected as you’re lifted from the ground by him and Fox, “I’ll speak to you later.”

You’re carried out of the Senate Ball by a handful of clones. Some you recognise as Neyo’s men- keeping their heads down- whilst some are from the Coruscant Guard. You can tell because they’re rougher.

As you leave and the alcohol fades away, you’re struck with reality. Your head lolls against Neyo’s shoulder as the nausea sets in, and you shiver when the cold breeze assaults your bare shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur as you’re pushed into the back of a speeder. You look at Neyo’s pained expression, and for a moment, you just want to embrace him. The blood is dry on his chin, some spots marking on his white dress shirt.

“Here.” He wraps one of the medics’ blankets around your shoulders, “We’ll speak later, Alex.”

You don’t want to speak to him. You want to shout like you did inside. You want to hit him. You want him to regret ever betraying your trust in him.

You rest your head against the window as the speeder pulls away. It’s hard to not wonder how long you’ll be kept at the Coruscant barracks for. Fox can arrest you for a few different charges now, but you hold hope he’ll spare you like he did last time.

Somehow, you don’t think you’ll be lucky.


	2. Chapter 2

You stay in a cell for twelve hours. It isn't as bad as you thought it would be. The food is somewhat edible, and- to your surprise- you get given painkillers for your growing headache. You know you’re only getting special treatment because you’re a well-known reporter who could drag this military prison to the ground.

It's mid-morning when the door to your cell is unlocked, and you see a clone holding your belongings outside. With a smile, you stand to leave, immediately stilling when another clone comes into view.

"Let me guess," you start, "I have to thank you for bailing me out."

"You're welcome." Neyo says, arms crossed over his chest. He's back in armour, but judging by the flecks of blood on his upper lip, he hasn't cleaned up- or slept- since last night. "We need to talk."

"I don't want to." You say, walking past him and taking your purse from the other clone. You're still wearing your dress from the Senate Ball- it's crinkled and the hem's torn from your scuffle with the clone troopers. Already, your body aches from being pinned down.

It wasn’t your _greatest_ idea to resist arrest.

Neyo sighs, matching your strides as you navigate through the complex. You've been here enough times for work to have the layout memorised. "Your little scene found its way to the _HoloNet_ last night. This morning, this _HNC_ announced they were terminating your contract."

The news makes you stall, but somehow, you manage to keep a straight face. "They're firing me?"

"You punched a military officer and had to be pinned down." He says as if you can't remember a single detail of the night before, "Not to mention that you revealed our relationship to the public eye."

" _Ex_ -relationship." You correct him, "I didn't say anything that wasn't true."

Neyo ignores your comment, "Revealing that you dated a clone- past or present- won't make you popular."

"Or maybe you're worried that me revealing your infidelity won't make you too popular either?"

Neyo snorts, making you glare at him, "I've got other things to worry about than whether I'm _liked_ , Alex."

"Nobody likes a cheater, Neyo." You roll your eyes, widening your strides to get to the front desk where you can call a taxi. "Hey, Malia," you greet the receptionist.

"Alex." The woman gives you a smile, her eyes swivelling to Neyo as he stands next to you.

"I need a cab." You tap your fingernails on the counter, feeling Neyo's gaze lingering on you, "Is that all, Commander?"

"You need to read this." He pushes a folded piece of paper along the table, "You know I'm not good with words, but I want to properly apologise."

"Oh, cheers." You take the paper and without opening it, pass it to Malia, "Could you shred this for me, please?"

"Of course," Malia coughs to hide a giggle as she takes the sheet. "I've dialled for a cab."

Neyo looks like he's about to blow a fuse, his fist clenched on the table. You give him a smile, "See you around, loser."

You step outside the prison complex, wrapping your arms around yourself. It’s a sunny morning, but it’s hardly warm enough to wait outside in a single piece of fabric. It was stupid to not take a jacket to that Senate Ball last night.

Looking around, the cab hasn’t arrived yet. You wonder where you can go from here. Your comm has a few messages- most from your boss at _HNC_ \- which you ignore. All you want is to have a drink and then fall asleep, it doesn’t matter if you do so at home or in some shabby bar.

It’s hard to tell how long you can afford to live on Coruscant if you _have_ lost your job. Maybe you can do waitressing, or work behind a till, to last another month, but nobody lives nicely on this planet unless you have a stable job with a steady income. Your job at _HNC_ didn’t mean you could live luxuriously by any standards, but it was good enough for you.

“Here.” A tuxedo jacket is held out to you.

You give Neyo nothing more than a glance as you pull the extra layer around your shoulders. It smells like him. “Is ‘fuck off’ not in your vocabulary, Commander?”

“I have a speeder.” He ignores you, which stirs irritation in your gut, “Better than waiting out here.”

“I’m perfectly happy to wait.” Finally, you look at him. His eyes are sunken, and beneath his battle-hardened exterior, you see a crack. His actions may have hurt you immensely, but they’ve also hurt him.

It’s time to say what you’ve kept back.

“The first time I interviewed you, you told me that clones are loyal.” You start, keeping your voice steady. Neyo’s eyes darken and sadden at the same time. “You know what? I walked out of that diner- a college student who spent two years in a messy relationship- and thought any woman would be lucky to be in love with someone like you.”

He sighs, “Alex-”

“I’m not finished.” You cut him off with a raised hand, “I thought we had a good run, Neyo. I know I always pried for facts about the war, and you were always too tired to do normal domestic activities except watching the _HoloNet_ and fucking, but we were doing _well_.” Tears sting in your eyes, “What was going so _wrong_ that you had to go and sleep with another woman?”

For a second, his lower lip twitches. You’ve never seen Neyo cry before. He’s been wounded, grieved and stressed, but never saddened. It’s not _right_ , to see an upset look on his face, but somehow you feel comforted in the fact that he feels as emotional about this as you do.

“I-” he pauses to clear his throat, subconsciously glancing around. The landing platform is all but deserted. “I was selfish- I wasn’t thinking with my head.”

You give him a look, making it clear that you can’t accept that pathetic excuse.

“Clones are loyal to each other and our Jedi because that’s what we’re raised to be.” He starts again, “It’s bred in us, Alex. Just as much as you need to breathe, we need to obey. But- But I was never taught how to be loyal to someone out of the GAR.” He looks at you tenderly, “I never knew what it was like to _love_ until I met you, Alex.”

Your breath hitches slightly. He’d never said the L-word in the year and a bit where you two were romantically involved. You made it known within four months of dating that you loved him, and Neyo had responded to that declaration with a sharp nod. You never really knew if he loved you back or not.

Why does it matter now?

“What did you learn?” You ask, your voice wavering. Suddenly, Alex Perz of the _HoloNet News Central_ disappears, and in her place is _you_ , a woman asking a sincere question to someone who used to be very special.

“That it’s hard.” Neyo chuffs a laugh, but it’s humourless, “Really kriffing hard, especially when you have a sense of duty somewhere else. Do you know how many times I wanted to stay with you instead of returning to the front?”

You chew your lip, remembering how Neyo hated those early mornings where he needed to be off-planet before the sun had risen.

“And I sometimes wished I could tell my brothers about you.” He admits, and a ghost of a smile reaches your lips. “But it was nice, having a secret that only I knew. Well,” he frowns to himself, “Fox has his suspicions, and our medic found out how I broke my wrist slipping on your freshly mopped kitchen floor, but besides that, I could keep you all to myself. That was nice.

“I learnt a lot about love in the time we were together, Alex, but I was still learning. I didn’t think when I was in that club.” He seems to grimace at the memory, and you inwardly shudder at the thought of his lust filled eyes on another woman. “I didn’t think about the consequences. I was drunk, tired, and hurting. It was a long time to spend away from home. I knew I should’ve waited for you, but I was at the stage where nothing mattered apart from well, _relaxing_.”

You close your eyes, breaching a line you’ve always been unsure on whether to cross, but now’s the best chance you have. “Who was better?”

To your surprise, he scoffs, and you open with eyes with a frown. “She was a domantrix.” His eyes darken momentarily, “I don’t like to be _topped_.”

“I remember.” For a moment, you’re both looking at each other, and a thought flickers through your head of Neyo taking you back to the barracks. You don’t know if he’s been sleeping around since you split up, but you’ve been abstinent from hurt.

It might be nice to…

As soon as the thought of him screwing you on his desk goes through your mind, you snap out of your fantasy.

“My cab’s here.” You say, peering over his shoulder at the speeder with a yellow light of top. When you pass his jacket back, your fingers brush, and you remember how nice it was to have another warm body in your bed during the colder nights.

“Alex.” His voice stills you, “I’m not asking for forgiveness.”

“You’re not getting any.” You quip back, then pause, “Why now, though? You could’ve said all this the night you told me.”

“You still would’ve slammed the door in my face- not that I don’t blame you for that.” He smiles, and it’s weak, “I needed time to figure out what to say. You know I’m-”

“Rubbish with words,” you finish, turning to leave.

“I’m going on a campaign.”

You glance over your shoulder at him, “How long?”

“A while.” His response makes you swallow hard. _A while_ can be anything from three to seven months given his Legion’s track record. “It’s gonna be rough. I didn’t want to _not_ get the chance to apologise before I left.”

“You’ll be alright.” You say without thinking, more to convince yourself.

“Better safe than sorry.” He gives you a two-fingered salute, “Later, Perz.”

It’s a brief goodbye, and part of you wants to run and embrace him, but you know you can’t do that to yourself. It was nice to finally talk about things- even if it was vague- but you’re not ready to just accept his actions yet.

He hurt you, and even if you still care about him, you have more pride than this.

You don’t go back to your apartment. You get the cab to a diner, order a jawa juice whilst you play with your commlink. There are two parties you can call. Either you beg your parents to stay with them for a few months whilst you search for a new job, or you go out in the pursuit of adventure, like you’ve always dreamed of doing.

Making a decision, you dial Fox’s frequency, get Malia to patch you though.

 _“Called to apologise for your behaviour last night?”_ His rough voice greets you.

“Better.” You reply, “Remember when you were interested in sending freelance reporters into the field?”

It’s something they discussed on a whim when you secured your job with the _HNC_. The GAR was willing to pay a handsome amount of credits for reporters to work on the front lines, although they had issues with the big names- like the _HNC_ \- because there was the chance of corruption that could get too political.

Now, you’re a freelance reporter without the _HNC_ on your back. It’s a good a time as any to venture into the wider galaxy and report in live warzones like you’ve always dreamt of.

 _“Freelancer now, eh?”_ He hesitates for a moment, _“I don’t think you’ll jump for the only position we have open, Alex.”_

You take a deep breathe, “It’s better than nothing, Commander. I’m in need of the cash.” And part of you _wants_ to be near Neyo.

Fox sighs, _“Come down to my office this afternoon. You’ll need to pass an occupational health exam and fill out a mountain of paperwork.”_

“Brill.” You smile, “And Fox?”

 _“Don’t worry.”_ He replies, knowing already, _“I’ll screen it through General Windu. Neyo won’t find out until docking day.”_

Your grin widens, “You’re the best, Commander.”

_“I hope I don’t regret this, Perz.”_

“You won’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you'd like to see another chapter or two, let me know!


End file.
